Who You Loving Valentine's Day and Beyond?

So many put a ton of effort into getting the right gift, the right card, going to the right dinner and setting the right mood, but don't know if it's with the right person!

Valentine's Day is a day built on love. For those who know they have found THE ONE and are nestled in the right relationship, there should be a monthly Valentine's Day. Those who are still speculating on him or her, need to understand that no amount of 'right' or perfect gift on one day will make a future with someone correct.

I spoke with a guy who just proposed to his long-time mate. He did everything a woman would want for her engagement; a two carat ring, special pomp and circumstance within a posh restaurant filled with lots of strangers surrounding them, so they could ogle at her gorgeous ring.  Even with all that, he stated he's not sure if he did the right thing with the right woman. WHAT? He succumbed to the pressure of her and her mother, only to now have ex's and 'friends' telling him he shouldn't have; he's second guessing his decision to propose. So, now he is in a precarious situation;  continue the farce or be honest and admit to her that he's not ready to marry and he's unsure about his future with her. 

Why even put yourself in that situation?  We can love a multitude of people for various reasons.  The one you request to spend the rest of your life with, however, you should love beyond measure.  It's not the value in a day {In this instance Valentine's Day} or the influences of persons around you, that makes for the proper timing when it comes to choosing your life mate. 

Treat every day as your opportunity to find out if the person you are with is truly THE ONE.  Peer and parental pressures aside, stand strong in your beliefs and your cautiousness.  After all, you are taking your time for some reason.  If you have done the homework and decide the person is right for you, but your friends don't see it the same way, then maybe it's your friendship that needs reevaluating!

Find the one who is the right fit.  No one else should have to tell you or push you to that realization.

Know the back story

In life we are all not privy to someones back story but, we really should be. We should question those we are with or intend to be with to find out where they are coming from or better, where they have been in their life and living.


Knowing the back story defined as "1. The experiences of a character or the circumstances of an event that occur before the action or narrative of a literary, cinematic, or dramatic work; 2. A prequel" The Free Dictionary. You must know where a person is coming from in order to understand where they are going.

The ability to communicate is the greatest item a person possesses. Talking to someone or being inquisitive about how they came to be where they are, or how they are, is the best way to learn a person's back story. Knowing what a person has dealt with in their lives is a certain way to know how you must proceed with the individual, if at all.

In this McDonaldization of Society (wanting everything fast) we do not realize that certain things take time. We think we want to know everything, but our curiosity is not patient enough to sit still and find out everything we need to know before jumping into a relationship or to leave the person alone.

More often we go into situations with a predetermined desire or idea. Sometimes we judge a person by the way they look, which does both parties some injustice; we assume the best or worst of a person without truly getting to know them. It's only after we spend quality time learning a person, however, that we know who and what we are dealing with.

What's your back story? Even better, what's the back story of the person you are with or intend to be with? Have you sorted out all the intricacies of the individual?

In the past I, too, was guilty of not doing my homework or learning the full scope of a person before dating them. Once in the relationship, however, it may be a little too late to pull out (pardon my pun). We often dive into caring for and loving a person that may not be our proper fit, but that doesn't have to be.

I suggest we spend more time courting or dating the person we perceive may be right for us. Get to know where they came from physically, mentally and emotionally. Share your own back story, especially if it contains things which may hazardous to the other person's health. Allow yourself to take in all the person is sharing and then decide whether the totality of the situation is what you want to endeavor.

Gentlemen.....a friend of mine always said: A big booty and a smile can only last a while.

Ladies.....his suave and debonair styling may be just a puff of smoke covering the real person.

Let's work on putting forth all our cares and concerns and not be blinded by what we see initially. Learn the person. Allow them to learn you. Knowing the back story will help to build a great relationship.

(Photo courtesy of Getty Images)