Guilty as charged!

For all those times you were left wondering... Guilty

For causing you to fail at one thing or another because you were consumed by them...Guilty

For holding you back from your hopes and dreams...Guilty

For abusing your sense of right and wrong...Guilty

For cheating on you...Guilty

For leaving you to be mother and father (and vice versa)...Guilty

For not listening to you when you needed them most...Guilty

For not loving you as you love them...Guilty

My point is when are you going to understand the person you were with is guilty of so many things but you should not be imprisoned by their faults?

When we come to understand what aspect a person played in our lives, then we can begin to realize that he or she served a purpose; positive or negative. We may not want to see it, but it's there.

*He or she never listened to you. Now you stress communication in all your relationships.

*He or she didn't share the same level of respect towards you as you did them. Now you will not take disrespect from anyone.

*He or she convinced you that you are less than what you were created to be. Now you hold your head up high and refuse to be looked upon as anything less than the great person you are.

*He or she cheated and you forgave them only to have them cheat again. Now you see the signs and move away from the mess before it consumes you.

*He or she never encouraged you to do the things you aspired to do. Now you are your only hold up; you see a goal and go for it.

Every person we have ever been in a relationship with leaves a stamp on our lives. That stamp, however, doesn't have to take over ever single thought or waking moment. Whether good or bad, the person's behavior, or lack there of, should have brought about some realizations.

The results of a poll posted on this blog made me realize we need to work on our beautiful souls more. I asked "are you still holding onto hurt and pain from a past relationship?" Of the 11 respondents four have let go, two are still holding on and five sort of let go. I'm thankful to them for their honesty.

Many of us refuse to move past what someone has said or done, and we hold onto things we should have let go some time ago. Sadly, some words leave bigger scars than wounds. When a good thing has gone bad, most words are used to hurt or harm a person's self-esteem or self-worth. People don't know how to walk away gracefully. Instead, they cast a lot of their own insecurities upon you and leave you second guessing yourself.

The reality is they are hurting as much or more than you are. Hurt people...hurt people. That's real. People who are hurt will hurt someone closest to them.

The person is guilty of so many things, but when do you walk away from your own guilty sentence? That person probably hasn't given much thought to what they have said; they have moved on. We, however, sit and continually add time onto our sentence by reliving those words and actions. We often try and convict the innocent person, our new encounter, for all the things someone is our past should remain guilty of.

Two wrongs will never make anything right. Nothing self-inflicted, however, has to be permanent. Stop allowing yourself to be infected by all the hateful and hurtful things others have said about you. Recognize the great person you are.

Realize that when you are certain about your actions no one's negative words or negative actions can affect you. Free yourself and rise above it all. Leave the negative behind in an empty jail cell.

(Photo courtesy of Google images)

He said. She said.

I believe we do not listen to what the other person is saying. Most times we refuse to listen intently to what a person is telling us. Afterwards, we blame the other person for not being straightforward or for not stating things plainly. However, if we listened properly the first time, we would hear exactly what the person was saying (or not) and we would not hear what we want them to say.

He said.......I'm dating.

She said.....But, I'm so into you.

Stop wanting something that isn't there. He said he's dating which means he's not trying to settle down just yet. You cannot make anyone do something they just don't want to. Instead, understand the person is trying to do them for a time. If you interfere, you will bring about more hurt for yourself.

She said....I'm in a relationship.

He said....Are you happy?

WHAT? Okay, if a person is in a relationship, he or she is most likely a little happy or they wouldn't be in that situation. Instead of trying to make something out of nothing or offering "can I be your friend?," realize that we must learn to respect one another more when he or she says they are involved. Respect that person's union regardless of whether they are happy or not.

He said....I want to take things slow.

She said...Why? I don't understand.

Maybe some people need a brick dropped on them to recognize when a person isn't really feeling them. When a man or woman is into you, they will do whatever they can to be with you. If they are "taking it slow," that should be an indication that they are checking you out for one reason or another; good or bad. Instead of allowing yourself to be shelved, realize there are other opportunities (men or women) out there.

She said...It's a little complicated.

He said...Well, I'm still trying to be there, if you'll have me.

Realize that "complicated" is another word for the person having issues that may not be something you would want to deal with. People often think they have an "all-healing" presence and can usher people from an unclear situation into their light. It's just not that easy. I applaud those who can say "I'm going through a little something and need some time," instead of those who continually play with the emotions of others. In return, the other person should be conscious of a person's situation and leave them to work the situation out.

Life is complicated enough. We ingest a lot of information. Some of that information isn't really clear, but most is. The key problem is we don't want a person to say a particular thing. We would rather hear what we would like to hear. In the end, however, they reiterate what they have said all along and we are left contemplating why we had not opened our ears initially.

A lot of relationships begin and end with communication. Communication requires a sender, a receiver and feedback. If you're in the sender or receiver position and are unsure of what a person is saying, use the feedback in order to clarify things. Don't assume. We all know how that works out in the end. Never take anything for granted. The worse question to have is the one unasked. Be also prepared for the answer. Most of us will ask a question, but when the answer comes, we refute it; we are unprepared for the answer because it's the unpolluted truth.

Listen more. Decipher and analyze less. Understand what you're hearing is what the person is saying. If you hear something that seems convoluted, then it just may be. If what you hear is something you believe you are not prepared to deal with, then walk away. Don't remain in something simply because you believe you can sway a person to share your beliefs. In the end, it won't work.

(Photo courtesy of Google images)